Episode 123: Dealing with parent complaints

Andy Psarianos

Hi, I'm Andy Psarianos.

Robin Potter

Hi, I'm Robin Potter.

Adam Gifford

Hi, I'm Adam Gifford.

Andy Psarianos

This is the School of School podcast.

Welcome to the School of School podcast.

Adam Gifford

Welcome back to another episode of The School of School podcast. We've got Andy and Robin. How are you both today?

Robin Potter

Hi. Great, thanks. Yeah.

Andy Psarianos

I'm doing well.

Adam Gifford

Well, you're officially now the expert panel, right? Because I'm going to tell you what we're talking about today. It's something that's sort of dear to my heart in all sorts of ways. Parent complaints, right? That's why I'm telling you the expert panel, you're parents, and I don't know whether you've complained and we don't need to go into specifics, but I don't really know where to start with this one. A general chat around parent complaints.

Robin Potter

Do you want us to start complaining?

Adam Gifford

Yeah, go on. You can start with that.

Andy Psarianos

Can we?

Adam Gifford

Observations

Andy Psarianos

Are we allowed to complain about our kids?

Adam Gifford

No, we're not allowed to complain about our kids.

Robin Potter

No, we don't have enough time for that.

Andy Psarianos

Can we complain about your kids?

Robin Potter

We don't have enough time.

Andy Psarianos

Can I complain about your kids?

Adam Gifford

Yeah, other people's children.

Andy Psarianos

I don't even know your kids.

Robin Potter

Absolutely.

Andy Psarianos

I know Robin's kids. I can complain about Robin's kids.

Robin Potter

Oh. But yeah, complaining. So you're talking about parents' complaints to teachers or to the school?

Adam Gifford

Well, I was thinking about this. I was thinking about this a lot, right? Because I think there's all sorts of ... I think with parent complaints, obviously it's part of school and I think sometimes the word complaint is wrong. It has too many negative connotations, because it's all about how it's received. But I think it's about the importance of complaints, the culture of complaints, whether or not complaints are contagious in a school. Whether or not it does damage that people may not know about and those sorts of things. And I just wonder if there's any observations in terms of, it doesn't have to be about, you may never have made a complaint to a school, but ...

Andy Psarianos

I think this is just the same as anyone who complains. You have to listen to them and then you have to use your judgement as to whether or not their complaints are valid or if they're misguided. And parents, the problem with parents and parenting is it's really an emotional thing. If you feel that your kid is hard done by for one reason or another, it pulls on your heartstrings. And then you might do things that aren't always rational or logical or whatever. So as a recipient of the complaint, you have to be aware of that. The people. One, you have to be tremendously empathetic, I think. You have to be tremendously empathetic. That's probably the biggest thing is you have to really try to be empathetic and recognise that although you may not even agree with what this person is saying, they're probably saying it for good reasons. I don't know. Is that true? Can you say that? I don't know.

Adam Gifford

Yeah, I think it's true. And I think that's one of the biggest lessons that anyone can learn is that because of the emotional significance, right? I can't think of too many things that would ever make you more emotional than your own kids or children that you care and love, whether they're yours or someone else's, doesn't matter. If you love someone, that's going to make you emotional. I always think if someone comes in, at least they care. Even if I've had people coming in threaten to take my head off before, but at least they care. They've come in, they've taken time out of their day to do that. And then I think it's very difficult what anyone receiving that complaint has to have. It's very difficult to deliver a rational, well thought out complaint. More difficult if it's regarding someone and you're very emotional about it.

Most of the time we probably think if we are in the height of emotion, maybe I could do things differently or gone about it in a slightly different way. But I think you're right. I think that emotional attachment is something that I think teachers have to really realise, or anyone that's dealing with someone that it comes from a good place, even if [inaudible 00:04:33].

Andy Psarianos

It doesn't seem like it. Yeah,

Adam Gifford

Yeah.

Robin Potter

Yeah. It's so tough. There's so many factors here. Maybe your child is struggling in the class and you don't feel that the teacher is recognising that the child is trying, or that they maybe have some learning issues. I don't know. But it's so hard because it can be completely valid, but it could also be completely valid that the teacher is working with that student and struggling to get that student engaged. And I guess where do you set the boundaries for interaction with the parents? Should they have full reign where they complain directly to the teacher? Or is it something that they need to discuss with the head of the department or the principal? Just because can it be disruptive to the entire classroom if you're making an accusation or a complaint. Maybe you're not making a complaint? Yeah, I don't know. There's just so many avenues here.

Andy Psarianos

Teachers are vulnerable too. Teachers take a lot on and people can be really nasty, and teachers have a lot of responsibility and you got to protect them too. So yeah, you got to set boundaries somehow, but you also got to make sure that people are heard. If you reflect on a point where you've been really disappointed with something that happened at your child's school and enough so that you went into talk to somebody about it, whether you're really angry or just frustrated, ultimately for me anyway, I can't speak for everyone, I just want to be heard. I just want someone to say, to sit down and listen to me and say, "Hey, maybe there's another side to this and you need to hear this."

And as long as I can walk away from that situation knowing that somebody listened to me, and that may take that into consideration with whatever happens next, I feel like I've made progress. I think most people probably feel the same. I don't know. Some people are just really angry and nasty and they're just going to come off that way. But even then, I think their motivation is they just really want to be heard and they just want to be taken into account.

And if you can make them feel that way, not just make them feel that way, but actually give them that. If you can give somebody that, say, "I'm going to listen to you and I'm going to take it into account," I think most people would be happy. Maybe they won't be happy, but at least they'd feel like you've been fair.

Adam Gifford

And I think it's one area that we get wrong in school. So if I said to you, "What times your child's afterschool club?" you'd know. What are the instructions with it? Well, parents wait over there, you do this, you know what you're doing. So at every stage what you're doing, I kind of think this is one area where the communication falls down because we're not trained in how to set that up. So if Andy, you come into my class and it's two minutes, two minutes to go before I'm starting to teach, and you are like, "Look, Adam, there's a real problem here, hey, and this is what's going on." And you drop a bomb and there's two minutes to go, you are not going to get the time then you're not going to get heard. I'm thinking, "I've got 30 kids in the class, I've got to go. I've got to go and sort them out, because they're my responsibility more than you are right now," even though your world is your child.

And so there's this real disconnect between it all. And I kind of think that, I don't know too many schools, there's complaints policies, but that doesn't deal with the humanity of talking about the people side of it. And it's kind of like, right, if you want to talk about child, give some time, do this, do that, do these sorts of things. Because I think that that's what stops it is, I think you're right. I think all, both sides probably want is to be heard, understood and those sorts of things. But probably more so in terms of the parent side of it and as a profession, we've got to realise the place that someone's coming from, which is, I care deeply and this is how it's manifesting at the moment. This is what's happening right now.

But I still think it comes back to a case of it's one of those where we need to be taught. Tell me what to do. And this is coming from someone who's worked in schools. I haven't now, my children have now just finished school, but going in, I think it is one of those, you've got to be guided through it. And I don't mean a formal complaints process, but how do you make sure you feel heard? And I think it's such a crucial part of making schools work.

It is so crucial because parents have got all of that information. And sometimes we construct things in school that says, no, the barriers are up, or you don't know how to do it, or you're not going to get the time, or whatever it is. I mean, it goes both ways, obviously, but I just think it's something that needs to be considered is that these emotive things take time and you've got to make sure that you've got the time to listen. Otherwise you do go away feeling well, he's not listened to me, it's pointless. I'll either shout louder or I'll give up, one or the other.

Robin Potter

So do you think teachers can create their own ... every year they say they send out to parents and said, "Okay, so this is how I run things in my classroom, and if you want to communicate with me, please do so on email. Please set up a meeting time. Please do this, please do that."

Or is it, again, going back to school policy where the school sets up that structure and says, "If you have a question or a concern, this is our structure."

Andy Psarianos

You need to go to both levels.

Robin Potter

How we do this?

Andy Psarianos

You need to do it at both levels, Robin. I think that the school should have a policy for sure, because you need to have a policy, but the teachers need to take it upon themselves to communicate with the parents. And I think it's totally fair to say to a parent, "Look, if you got a problem, I want to hear about it. But please be mindful that you can't come in two minutes before I'm starting the class and dump some huge problem and think that I'm going to solve it."

But you need to be prepared as to what to do if that does happen. So if that does happen, I think the teacher should know what their escape route is to say, "Look, I can't talk to you about this right now, but please go talk to the deputy or go talk to the head teacher right now, because obviously it's really important for you, but I've got to teach this class right now and then I'll catch up with them and then we'll take appropriate action."

You just need to make sure to say people like that, "We want to hear what you have to say and we're going to consider it."

I think if you can just do that, and then if they're really burning that you have some kind of exit strategy where those things need to be policy levels, but the head teacher needs to agree. You don't want a head teacher to say, "What are you thinking sending this angry person at me? I've got my job." You don't want get that response. You want the head teacher to be bought into that idea. So these things need to be discussed in at both levels.

Adam Gifford

And I think it's great and everyone's in it for the same reason. Everyone wants that child to do well. Everyone wants to go out there.

Andy Psarianos

Hopefully. Yeah.

Adam Gifford

Yeah, hopefully. Absolutely.

Andy Psarianos

Not always.

Adam Gifford

But I think always, I think, no, not always, but certainly as far as the school goes, you would expect, I think you could have an expectation that everyone wants it to work. I know it's human nature. Sometimes that might not be the case, but I think it is one of those areas that can be really destructive coming out of a place that should be one of saying, "We want this person to do well, and we're not understanding each other about that path."

Right? We've not quite joined our mind on this one. So I think take the time, have a listen, and yeah, I think it's one of those areas that can freak you out as a teacher, but it's worth investing the time and for the reasons that have been put forward.

Andy Psarianos

Thank you for joining us on the School of School podcast.